de la casa a la escuela, un poema

en esta sociedad fashionista
no tengo punto de vista
desde que naci
me obligaron a pensar asi.

olor a carne quemada
caca en la piel
una caja con mierda
es todo lo que quiero tener.


28-01-08

Ashes to ashes

perdon porque este en ingles. pero asi es el original, lo encontre en otro de mis fracasos.
va a ser un año de eso y todavia no puedo encontrarme. encontrarte. encontremosnos

(un)Certanty

Feb. 7th, 2007 | 01:08 am
location: 7th Circle of Hell
mood: confused
music: Pennyroyal Tea - Nirvana

Im confused about everything
What seemed to be certain has follen to pieces and uncertanty, once again, comes to the spot light.

Here is the thing:
I havent behave quite well with two friends.. i did something i should have never done, but i did not mean any harm. I just needed to be away from them to try to solve another unsolved chapter of my life.
Now i do not know how to face the situation.. i dont feel like apologizing, well actually yes i do, but not like i regret what i done, but not letting them know what was happenning. It is like a big misunderstanding.
I want them to know how much i love and care about them, but i need them to understand me too.

Anyway, that is not all that annoyes me.
Im feeling the pressure of having to apply for a scolarship to travel abroad.
I really want this with all my heart. But the thing is that my heart is also herem where home is.
It seems really unimaginable the idea of spending 10 moths 9000 km away from home, friends, family, school mates,my things... It actually kind of scares the shit out of me. What if i wanna come back? What if someone needs me? What if i need someone? What if something changes? What if i miss something important?
Damn it, im scared of not being strong enough to face it. In a couple of weeks, im gonna have my answer for YES or NO.Definitely I WANT A YES, but i admit im scared of it.



OMG im sooooo down right now. in addition to all of this i just found out i got a B on my FCE exam :( thats really a bummer. I expected a little more, a Pass with Merit. And these really makes me feel horrible :(
The stupid school wouldn't make me practise enough!!! i like, told them that i wasn't ready and they kept telling me i was.. i knew this was coming :(



I cant really write anymore, im really pissed and annoyed and rather sad...

I look pretty sinking, right?

No puedo dormir.
Hasta hace dos noches eran pesadillas. De los sueños mas locos.
Ahora no puedo dormir porque cuando me levanto de tener el sueño mas placentero me doy cuenta que fue solo un sueño.

-

1/1/08
Mis sueños ya se cumplieron, aunque en el camino encontre obstaculos para salirme del sendero. No dude ni un segundo en atravesarlos, no mire para atras ni para los costados.

-

Me estoy realzando, convirtiendo en lo que quiero. No veo la hora de volver y ser yo, totalmente direfente, totalmente igual.

Siempre pense que te necesitaba, te necesito.. pero para darme cuenta de lo mejor que soy de lo que me hiciste creer. Todas esas noches llorando, deseando que me quieras; deseando quererte.
No te quiero ni te odio. Peor que ser el ultimo o el primero es estar en el medio. Porque no sos ni el peor ni el mejor. Simplemente no sos.
Por eso siempre en la vida me esmere para ser la mejor, ser segunda nunca me intereso. Apuntar a lo mas alto te llena de frustaciones, pero conformarse te lleva a la estancacion, la mediocridad.

Prefiero sentirme la peor que conformarme.